Too Late
it's been very very long since i last blogged. i decide that i need a space to write my real shit out. hopefully i can write in a day????? i have a very frightened feeling right now. the realisation that not even one month to SPM, final exam after all these years in secondary school. definitely not ready, and much too late that i regret for slacking and being overly lazy for the past year. last year already gave me a huge attack that i should be more alert and put effort in my studies. unfortunately, tick tock... i am still here standing at range one. i haven't moved, maybe i did, but a little.
i see the distractions affecting me badly. they've been consuming my time and my energy. to be really honest, they come from every way. school, family, friends, entertainment etc all are completely leading my life as if i'm a puppet myself. at this point, i realise i shouldn't have cared so much. i gave in too much shit and now it's me the one loosing. i overthink about everything about other people and other irrelevant things and in the end i loose focus, made me what is up today.
it kinda sucked cause no one really gave attention and knew what was up with me. when everyone in school improve, i'm way far behind. i thought i gave enough effort but it was never enough for my studies. other things been affecting and took away my attention and it is hard for me to get back on track now. it's kinda bullshit that i say i regret a lot now. there's no turning back i gotta put as much work A LOT more to at least fit myself into half of the track.
i have a feeling i won't be doing well for my SPM, i hope i can just at least do my best for it. not much time left for me and i should've struggle way more than this now. it's quite pathetic to see myself now. what i can actually achieve VS what i did and got. i wasted too much time and being in my own 'alice in the wonderland'. i don't wish for success but i really need to accomplish what all these years i've struggling through. i want to make sure i don't fail myself again. my family and boyfriend are my pillar of support, hopefully at least my SPM have to be less miserable and disappointing. i guess i should've gotten with better and supportive friends rather than just having fun and mess around. doesn't mean they are bad influence but we all waste a lot of time and usually i'm the one being worse. i knew my catching up skills and basics are half slower than my friends. i don't really say but i feel insecure like even they studied last minute, their struggles are way lesser and i am not used to their way of studying. i've always knew my type is to start really early and put a lot a lot of effort into something then i at least pass it, not even success.
it's the time the graduation season arrives and all those emotional yet meaningful things kick in. seeing so many posts up in social medias and realising the time together with dearest classmates and being school is reducing. time is passing real fast and dont even have time to take a breath. this is like ranting but in the form of i know my mistakes and regrets. fyi, i failed one part of my driving test and i felt bad towards myself. hopefully my re-test this friday could turn out good. i'm so glad within these last minutes amount of time, my parents and family been great and understanding as well as my boyfriend. can never be thankful and grateful towards them. feeling exhausted and all get me on my nerves like literally recently been not having good sleep this is not me at all. i need these to be over. i just have to put whatever i can and it will be over. also, can't wait for my upcoming getaway vacation +1!
i think it's enough for my update.
xx
i see the distractions affecting me badly. they've been consuming my time and my energy. to be really honest, they come from every way. school, family, friends, entertainment etc all are completely leading my life as if i'm a puppet myself. at this point, i realise i shouldn't have cared so much. i gave in too much shit and now it's me the one loosing. i overthink about everything about other people and other irrelevant things and in the end i loose focus, made me what is up today.
it kinda sucked cause no one really gave attention and knew what was up with me. when everyone in school improve, i'm way far behind. i thought i gave enough effort but it was never enough for my studies. other things been affecting and took away my attention and it is hard for me to get back on track now. it's kinda bullshit that i say i regret a lot now. there's no turning back i gotta put as much work A LOT more to at least fit myself into half of the track.
i have a feeling i won't be doing well for my SPM, i hope i can just at least do my best for it. not much time left for me and i should've struggle way more than this now. it's quite pathetic to see myself now. what i can actually achieve VS what i did and got. i wasted too much time and being in my own 'alice in the wonderland'. i don't wish for success but i really need to accomplish what all these years i've struggling through. i want to make sure i don't fail myself again. my family and boyfriend are my pillar of support, hopefully at least my SPM have to be less miserable and disappointing. i guess i should've gotten with better and supportive friends rather than just having fun and mess around. doesn't mean they are bad influence but we all waste a lot of time and usually i'm the one being worse. i knew my catching up skills and basics are half slower than my friends. i don't really say but i feel insecure like even they studied last minute, their struggles are way lesser and i am not used to their way of studying. i've always knew my type is to start really early and put a lot a lot of effort into something then i at least pass it, not even success.
it's the time the graduation season arrives and all those emotional yet meaningful things kick in. seeing so many posts up in social medias and realising the time together with dearest classmates and being school is reducing. time is passing real fast and dont even have time to take a breath. this is like ranting but in the form of i know my mistakes and regrets. fyi, i failed one part of my driving test and i felt bad towards myself. hopefully my re-test this friday could turn out good. i'm so glad within these last minutes amount of time, my parents and family been great and understanding as well as my boyfriend. can never be thankful and grateful towards them. feeling exhausted and all get me on my nerves like literally recently been not having good sleep this is not me at all. i need these to be over. i just have to put whatever i can and it will be over. also, can't wait for my upcoming getaway vacation +1!
i think it's enough for my update.
xx
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